I'm Not As Young As I Used To Be

Last night was really fun.  Geoff and I went to eat at one of the best places in Fayetteville, The Pesto Cafe, and then went down to Dickson Street to see a concert at George's Majestic Lounge (sounds cooler than it is).  I enjoyed spending time with Geoff, eating at one of our favorite restaurants in the area and then hanging out for some good music.  However, I am not as young as I used to be.

First, When we got down to Dickson Street we had to stand in a line out in the cold for like 30 minutes.  When I was in my 20's this probably would not have bothered me....but let me say I was freezing and if we would have had to wait another 10-15 minutes, I am not sure I would have gone to the concert at all.  Nobody is worth standing in line out in the cold for over 30 minutes to see.

Second, the concert said it was going to start at 7:00 on the tickets.  We were still standing in that very cold line at 7:00.  At 8:00 we were inside but there was still no movement.  Finally at 9:00 the warm-up band came one and played their set.  I have always had an issue with people/places/events that don't stick to time schedules, but as I get older, this drives me more and more crazy!  I get that this was a concert in a bar so it was obviously not going to start at 7:00, but the main band didn't even come on until after 10:00!  I am starting to be like Big Grasshopper's dad.  If someone says they are going to do something, be somewhere, have an appointment, etc. at one time, BE ON TIME!!

Third, my hearing.  I STILL can't hear anything this morning.  I know this is normal and I know it will eventually go back to normal (I hope), but waking up this morning my ears and head hurt worse than I remember.  Ugh...Maybe not as young as I used to be.

Last, we didn't get home until after 1:00 a.m.  This isn't really wasn't/isn't a big deal because BG's mom and dad (thank you Nana and Papa) watched the girls last night.  The time wasn't the issue...what I find interesting is I kept watching my phone for the time and just kept thinking I should have been reading the girls a book, or tucking the girls in, or even just going to bed myself.  I am NOT a night owl.  Normally I am asleep by 10ish.  I thought last night before we went that I would be excited to be out late, do something that "normal" people do, and just do something we used to do that we don't do anymore.  I can now tell you why we don't do this any more or very often. 

I know I sound like I am whining (you can write and complain that I am later), but I really am not.  All I am saying is maybe, just maybe I am not as young as I used to be.  Things that didn't bother me in my 20's when we went out, now bother me.  Things that BG and I used to do when we were dating and newly married don't really seem to fit who we are any more.  Yes, we still like to get out, yes we still like to have fun, but maybe that getting out and fun is just now in a different form....and maybe I am really OK with it.  I was never a party girl and I really don't want to be the party girl who is still trying to hold on to something that was or maybe never was.  Yup...I'm not as young as I used to be...and I am completely happy with that!

Chicken Tacos

Chicken Tacos are our favorite.  They are super easy to make and you can bake them or throw them in the crock-pot.

1 pound (more or less) of chicken breasts or chicken tenders (I use the boneless skinless kind)
1 can Rotel tomatoes
1 package taco seasoning

Put chicken in dish of choice.  Mix Rotel and taco seasoning together and pour over.  Place in crock-pot or oven.  If crock-pot cooking cook on low for like 6 hours hours (I have a crazy crock-pot that cooks this stuff in 2 hours on low...but that is for another post when it blows up the house.).  If oven cooking, cook at 350 for an hour or a little over until it is tender and juices run clear.

Once chicken is done take out, shred and place back in juices.  Sometimes if it doesn't have a lot of juice I put in either tomato sauce or tomato juice - whichever I have.  Leave in juices until you can't stand it anymore.

We eat these as tacos or we also make "Mexican Rice Bowls."  Yummo!  Mexican rice bowls are layer in a bowl Mexican or Spanish rice (love Spanish rice), taco chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, corn chips broken up, sour cream and Chalula hot sauce. 

Smoke Signals

This afternoon I decided to make chicken tacos for dinner (recipe to follow).  They are so yummy, easy, and we all love them so I thought this would be a perfect meal for a Friday night.  I turn on the oven to 350 degrees and go have a seat on the couch to prop my foot up because my ankle is still hurting.  A few minutes later (like 8-10) the beeper goes off that signals that the oven is ready.  As I continue to sit on the couch I get a whiff of smoke that signals my brain that something is very wrong.  I don't clean my oven often (confession #4,687) and so I thought it might have just been something that dripped from the last time I cooked something there.  As I go to open the door, a plume of black smoke rolls out of the oven.  I quickly close the door and panic.  Panic is what is what I do best and so panic I did.  My brain raced and I decided to call Big Grasshopper.  Why I didn't call 911 with the thought of my oven being on fire is beyond me but  I called Big Grasshopper. 

Me:  I think the oven is on fire!
BG:  What did you do?
Me:  I didn't do anything!
BG:  Do you know the oven is on fire?
Me:  No....but there is smoke coming out when I open the door.
BG:  Did you turn the oven off?
Me:  Good idea!
BG:  Pour some water on it!
Me:  That will ruin the oven.  How about the fire extinguisher?
BG:  Um...if water will ruin it, so will the fire extinguisher...I have to go...your my Little Grasshopper figure it out.

OK....so now I am on my own.  I open up the oven door again and let the smoke billow out to find that one of my lovely little ones has put the pizza cutter with the rubber handle on one of the racks along with something else that I still cannot figure out.  I get a potholder and pull out the pizza cutter that is melting and the other thing and throw them on the counter.  Then I try to figure out what to do.

BG:  Yes.
Me:  It was one of the girls.
BG:  I am busy.
Me:  Yes, but our house almost blew up.  Do you care?
BG:  Do you have it under control?
Me:  Yes. 
BG:  I am busy being king of the book world, I am smart, funny, and everyone needs my intellectual abilities.  Gotta go!

OK...so maybe I made up what BG said about himself...but I was on my own again....trying to figure out how to get the black gunk off of my oven.  After consulting Face Book Friends and my father-in-law (who is was a volunteer fireman...I thought I might need help in case I tried to blow up the house) I decided to try to scrape off the rubber that adhered itself to the bottom of my oven.  I don't know if it was a God thing, Kristin thing, or something else but the rubber actually came off in one big chunk.  Amazing.

Now if I can just get the self cleaning oven clean (that doesn't self clean anymore...that is another post for another day), we will be back in business.

UGH!  Smoke Signals!

Crazy Dreams

I have been having crazy dreams lately.  Some are really detailed, some are long, some are scary, some are just down right funny, and all of them are in color.  Last night was one of those I would rather forget but interesting none the less.  Last night my dream was about trying to go to the lake with my whole family.  It was supposed to be a nice trip of relaxation that was anything but.  After yelling at people that it was already 4:30 and that the sun would be down at 6:00 and it would take us like 45 minutes to get to the lake, we leave to go to the lake.  The dream then cuts to us hanging out, having a good time and then the water starts to disappear.  As the water disappears (this is where it gets weird), there starts to be body parts that float around us and dead bodies start to appear.  As we start to run out of the water and we start running for the shore, we have a tsunami like event happen.  We find shelter behind rocks or something.  The whole time I am screaming to find my girls and trying to keep them safe.

Really weird huh?  Dreams...some say they are windows to your soul.  Maybe my soul is trying to keep my girls safe, happy and away from dead bodies?  Hum....

Mommy Can't Get Sick

I don't get sick often and lately when I do it takes me down for several days.  I normally get the stomach flu at least once a year (I think I always get it from Big Grasshopper) and I have allergies so I normally have a few flare ups along the way.  But what do SAHM's (stay at home mom's) do when they get sick?  We can't call into work and say we can't be there, we can't stop the day, and we can't just tell the our children to go take care of themselves.

This morning I woke up not feeling well....really it was 3 this morning.  I kinda felt like I had a sore throat yesterday but didn't think much of it.  This morning at 3 I woke up not being able to breathe, barely able to swallow and I was freezing.  After laying  (read: tossing and turning) for who knows how long (I am blind without my glasses) I finally fell back to sleep just to be woken up by Big Grasshopper complaining I was snoring like a pig....go ahead...laugh....get it out....OK.  So he was right....when he woke me up I was still breathing like that and actually heard myself snoring like a pig...it was loud...I couldn't breathe.

Well after little sleep my job started at about 7:45 with Little Lady toddling in and demanding milk.  I woke Big Girl up about 8:30 and got breakfast going.  By 9:00 a.m. I had no energy.  Also at 9 I decided to take some medicine hoping that would help.  By 9:30 I was so groggy I could barely keep my eyes open.  So...with the girls contently glued to the TV watching Max and Ruby, Dora, and whatever else is on Nick Jr. I fell asleep in the recliner.  I am not proud of the fact that I let the TV babysit my kids while I dozed...nope....but I did.  There...that is my confession...I don't feel better because I told you, I just feel the need to get it out there.

So I am still working out the kinks in this SAHM stuff.  Still not sure how to handle every situation.....Maybe I should ask Dora...She has a backpack and map....or maybe I can ask Ruby what she does since they don't seem to have parents and only grandma comes by on occasion.   All I know is staying at home is not for the weak or lame....even if we can't help it because we are sick. :/

"It Is Finished"

"It is finished." John 19:30  Three of the most powerful words ever spoken other than "I love you."  I am at peace.  My soul is no longer at war.  I have made a decision.

Growing up I was taught and told that I could be what ever I wanted to be by both my parents and society.  I watched Oprah and other talk show hosts and programs that promoted young girls going out into the world and forging their own path.  When I graduated HS and went off to college (well....went off as in I went to class and came home to my parents house).  I decided after the first semester that I wanted to be a teacher.  During HS I had aspirations of being a lawyer (I do like to argue), veterinarian (can't stand blood), a chef (I do like to eat), and a hotel restaurant manager (that was changed while I worked for Long John Silver's as a shift manager).  After much thought I decided on teaching.  I had some very influential teachers in my life like Mrs. Tucker, Mrs. Summers, Mr. Colly, Mrs. McGregor, and Mr. Andrews who really shaped who I was.  I wanted to be influential like them.  I wanted to make a difference.  I wanted to be remembered.  I loved history and I thought about the days I would sit in Mrs. Tucker's class and we would talk...not necessarily about history but we would talk....about life....about what was happening in our young lives.  That made a profound impact on my life and to this day I tell stories of being in Mrs. Tucker's class.  I wanted to be like her.  I wanted to make a difference like her.  So I set off to be a teacher.

After graduation I really couldn't find a job (it was January after all) so I did temp work.  Let me stop right now and say I found out very quickly answering someone else's phone really wasn't the thing for me.  In June my Auntie Helen called and asked if I was interested in special education.  I told her I was and she told me she thought she could help me get a job.  I sent my resume and application one week, the next I interviewed and the following I had a job.  It was a whirl wind.  I quickly moved to Bentonville (with the help of my parents) and started in August. 

For the next 7 years my life revolved around my work.  I fit in meeting Geoff, dating, getting married, having two babies, and trying to forge a new life in Northwest Arkansas.  I met friends, worked with some of the best and brightest teachers on the planet (All of you know who you are but especially the teachers at the Sophomore Campus and LaDonna, you ROCK!).  I had more crazy times than I can tell and more wonderful memories formed than one girl deserves in a lifetime.  The people I worked with became more than friends...they became part of the fabric of who I am.   They shaped me in ways that today are are still not easily put into words.

However, in 2007 my world turned upside down.  Madison, my precious little 6 month old baby, was diagnosed with PDA.  PDA is a condition some infants have where they have a small hole in their heart that needs to be repaired.  As we started going through testing and learning more about PDA I had major mommy guilt.  My thoughts turned to I should have known, I should have seen the signs, if only I had been with her I could have known.  Reality is I probably wouldn't have known something was wrong because Madison was a strong baby and showed no normal sign that she had a 3 millimeter hole in her heart.  After getting the hole fixed in her heart in April of 2008, I continued to have mommy guilt.  Going through surgery, having to hold down my precious little angel and knowing that a doctor had to go in and touch her little heart with instruments to fix it tore me up inside.  It also reminded me that children are gifts from God and time is fleeting.

So....after much contemplation, crying, talking, crying, bawling, talking, crying (see a pattern...yes I cried...A LOT!)  I decided to stay at home.....and over the last two years I have contemplated more than few times if I made the right decision.  I love teaching.  I think it is different than any other profession because I think a "normal" person can't just go be a teacher.  Either someone is a teacher or they aren't and the kids know it.  It is the one profession you can't fake.  I love and have loved teaching with every fiber that is in me.  So until today (1-26-10), every time I tell people who I am, I tell them I am a stay at home mom that is a teacher.  I felt I needed to tell people that to justify who I am.  I didn't find it enough to say say I am mommy to Emma and Madison.  I didn't think enough of what I do for Geoff and the girls to just say I am the best stay at home mommy I can be for them....until today.  Today I am at peace.  Today I can for the first time say I am Geoff's wife (for the next 42 years...then we can renegotiate....love you big Grasshopper) and I am Emma and Madison's mommy....forever.

So....It is finished....I am done.  I have made a decision.  I am a stay at home mom.  The path that is less followed these days will be the path I am going to choose.  I didn't know I was going to make a decision to continue to stay home when I made the decision to stay at home 2 years ago.  I didn't know that I would even want to.  But how do I pass up taking Emma to school and picking her up at 2:45 on her first day to see the smile on her face and look at all the little pages she has done for the day? ... And how do I tell Madison she has to go spend 7:30-5:30 with someone else every day because mommy has to go be with other kids?  I can't do it.  I can't.  I won't.  I have always said teaching was not my first or my last job and I guess I am about to find out what else is out there.  Maybe teaching will be my path again, maybe my path will be something I haven't even seen....all I know is for now....it is finished....and I am at peace.

To all my teacher friends....

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields and,

Until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Working Out? Me? Yup...

I HATE working out.  I hate getting up early to get sweaty, grunt, and be in pain....but I have found a new alli.  Geoff has decided he is going to work out with me in our living room.  For the past week and a half he has flipped the lights on at 6 a.m. to tell my brain I have to wake up, I don't have a choice, and to just get up and get it over with.  It is painful, sweaty, and not that much fun.  I tend to yell "I hate you!" at whom ever is on the DVD telling me not to give up and then cursing at some point that these people seem to think working out is easy.

I am starting to feel more in control and stronger every day we do the work outs.  I also feel like I am going to change...for good....It is time.  It is time I take control and find time for my body.  So am I working out?  Yup....but I hate it.....

(Updates will follow....if I can get out of bed)