I don't get sick often and lately when I do it takes me down for several days. I normally get the stomach flu at least once a year (I think I always get it from Big Grasshopper) and I have allergies so I normally have a few flare ups along the way. But what do SAHM's (stay at home mom's) do when they get sick? We can't call into work and say we can't be there, we can't stop the day, and we can't just tell the our children to go take care of themselves.
This morning I woke up not feeling well....really it was 3 this morning. I kinda felt like I had a sore throat yesterday but didn't think much of it. This morning at 3 I woke up not being able to breathe, barely able to swallow and I was freezing. After laying (read: tossing and turning) for who knows how long (I am blind without my glasses) I finally fell back to sleep just to be woken up by Big Grasshopper complaining I was snoring like a pig....go ahead...laugh....get it out....OK. So he was right....when he woke me up I was still breathing like that and actually heard myself snoring like a pig...it was loud...I couldn't breathe.
Well after little sleep my job started at about 7:45 with Little Lady toddling in and demanding milk. I woke Big Girl up about 8:30 and got breakfast going. By 9:00 a.m. I had no energy. Also at 9 I decided to take some medicine hoping that would help. By 9:30 I was so groggy I could barely keep my eyes open. So...with the girls contently glued to the TV watching Max and Ruby, Dora, and whatever else is on Nick Jr. I fell asleep in the recliner. I am not proud of the fact that I let the TV babysit my kids while I dozed...nope....but I did. There...that is my confession...I don't feel better because I told you, I just feel the need to get it out there.
So I am still working out the kinks in this SAHM stuff. Still not sure how to handle every situation.....Maybe I should ask Dora...She has a backpack and map....or maybe I can ask Ruby what she does since they don't seem to have parents and only grandma comes by on occasion. All I know is staying at home is not for the weak or lame....even if we can't help it because we are sick. :/
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
"It Is Finished"
"It is finished." John 19:30 Three of the most powerful words ever spoken other than "I love you." I am at peace. My soul is no longer at war. I have made a decision.
Growing up I was taught and told that I could be what ever I wanted to be by both my parents and society. I watched Oprah and other talk show hosts and programs that promoted young girls going out into the world and forging their own path. When I graduated HS and went off to college (well....went off as in I went to class and came home to my parents house). I decided after the first semester that I wanted to be a teacher. During HS I had aspirations of being a lawyer (I do like to argue), veterinarian (can't stand blood), a chef (I do like to eat), and a hotel restaurant manager (that was changed while I worked for Long John Silver's as a shift manager). After much thought I decided on teaching. I had some very influential teachers in my life like Mrs. Tucker, Mrs. Summers, Mr. Colly, Mrs. McGregor, and Mr. Andrews who really shaped who I was. I wanted to be influential like them. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be remembered. I loved history and I thought about the days I would sit in Mrs. Tucker's class and we would talk...not necessarily about history but we would talk....about life....about what was happening in our young lives. That made a profound impact on my life and to this day I tell stories of being in Mrs. Tucker's class. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to make a difference like her. So I set off to be a teacher.
After graduation I really couldn't find a job (it was January after all) so I did temp work. Let me stop right now and say I found out very quickly answering someone else's phone really wasn't the thing for me. In June my Auntie Helen called and asked if I was interested in special education. I told her I was and she told me she thought she could help me get a job. I sent my resume and application one week, the next I interviewed and the following I had a job. It was a whirl wind. I quickly moved to Bentonville (with the help of my parents) and started in August.
For the next 7 years my life revolved around my work. I fit in meeting Geoff, dating, getting married, having two babies, and trying to forge a new life in Northwest Arkansas. I met friends, worked with some of the best and brightest teachers on the planet (All of you know who you are but especially the teachers at the Sophomore Campus and LaDonna, you ROCK!). I had more crazy times than I can tell and more wonderful memories formed than one girl deserves in a lifetime. The people I worked with became more than friends...they became part of the fabric of who I am. They shaped me in ways that today are are still not easily put into words.
However, in 2007 my world turned upside down. Madison, my precious little 6 month old baby, was diagnosed with PDA. PDA is a condition some infants have where they have a small hole in their heart that needs to be repaired. As we started going through testing and learning more about PDA I had major mommy guilt. My thoughts turned to I should have known, I should have seen the signs, if only I had been with her I could have known. Reality is I probably wouldn't have known something was wrong because Madison was a strong baby and showed no normal sign that she had a 3 millimeter hole in her heart. After getting the hole fixed in her heart in April of 2008, I continued to have mommy guilt. Going through surgery, having to hold down my precious little angel and knowing that a doctor had to go in and touch her little heart with instruments to fix it tore me up inside. It also reminded me that children are gifts from God and time is fleeting.
So....after much contemplation, crying, talking, crying, bawling, talking, crying (see a pattern...yes I cried...A LOT!) I decided to stay at home.....and over the last two years I have contemplated more than few times if I made the right decision. I love teaching. I think it is different than any other profession because I think a "normal" person can't just go be a teacher. Either someone is a teacher or they aren't and the kids know it. It is the one profession you can't fake. I love and have loved teaching with every fiber that is in me. So until today (1-26-10), every time I tell people who I am, I tell them I am a stay at home mom that is a teacher. I felt I needed to tell people that to justify who I am. I didn't find it enough to say say I am mommy to Emma and Madison. I didn't think enough of what I do for Geoff and the girls to just say I am the best stay at home mommy I can be for them....until today. Today I am at peace. Today I can for the first time say I am Geoff's wife (for the next 42 years...then we can renegotiate....love you big Grasshopper) and I am Emma and Madison's mommy....forever.
So....It is finished....I am done. I have made a decision. I am a stay at home mom. The path that is less followed these days will be the path I am going to choose. I didn't know I was going to make a decision to continue to stay home when I made the decision to stay at home 2 years ago. I didn't know that I would even want to. But how do I pass up taking Emma to school and picking her up at 2:45 on her first day to see the smile on her face and look at all the little pages she has done for the day? ... And how do I tell Madison she has to go spend 7:30-5:30 with someone else every day because mommy has to go be with other kids? I can't do it. I can't. I won't. I have always said teaching was not my first or my last job and I guess I am about to find out what else is out there. Maybe teaching will be my path again, maybe my path will be something I haven't even seen....all I know is for now....it is finished....and I am at peace.
To all my teacher friends....
Growing up I was taught and told that I could be what ever I wanted to be by both my parents and society. I watched Oprah and other talk show hosts and programs that promoted young girls going out into the world and forging their own path. When I graduated HS and went off to college (well....went off as in I went to class and came home to my parents house). I decided after the first semester that I wanted to be a teacher. During HS I had aspirations of being a lawyer (I do like to argue), veterinarian (can't stand blood), a chef (I do like to eat), and a hotel restaurant manager (that was changed while I worked for Long John Silver's as a shift manager). After much thought I decided on teaching. I had some very influential teachers in my life like Mrs. Tucker, Mrs. Summers, Mr. Colly, Mrs. McGregor, and Mr. Andrews who really shaped who I was. I wanted to be influential like them. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be remembered. I loved history and I thought about the days I would sit in Mrs. Tucker's class and we would talk...not necessarily about history but we would talk....about life....about what was happening in our young lives. That made a profound impact on my life and to this day I tell stories of being in Mrs. Tucker's class. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to make a difference like her. So I set off to be a teacher.
After graduation I really couldn't find a job (it was January after all) so I did temp work. Let me stop right now and say I found out very quickly answering someone else's phone really wasn't the thing for me. In June my Auntie Helen called and asked if I was interested in special education. I told her I was and she told me she thought she could help me get a job. I sent my resume and application one week, the next I interviewed and the following I had a job. It was a whirl wind. I quickly moved to Bentonville (with the help of my parents) and started in August.
For the next 7 years my life revolved around my work. I fit in meeting Geoff, dating, getting married, having two babies, and trying to forge a new life in Northwest Arkansas. I met friends, worked with some of the best and brightest teachers on the planet (All of you know who you are but especially the teachers at the Sophomore Campus and LaDonna, you ROCK!). I had more crazy times than I can tell and more wonderful memories formed than one girl deserves in a lifetime. The people I worked with became more than friends...they became part of the fabric of who I am. They shaped me in ways that today are are still not easily put into words.
However, in 2007 my world turned upside down. Madison, my precious little 6 month old baby, was diagnosed with PDA. PDA is a condition some infants have where they have a small hole in their heart that needs to be repaired. As we started going through testing and learning more about PDA I had major mommy guilt. My thoughts turned to I should have known, I should have seen the signs, if only I had been with her I could have known. Reality is I probably wouldn't have known something was wrong because Madison was a strong baby and showed no normal sign that she had a 3 millimeter hole in her heart. After getting the hole fixed in her heart in April of 2008, I continued to have mommy guilt. Going through surgery, having to hold down my precious little angel and knowing that a doctor had to go in and touch her little heart with instruments to fix it tore me up inside. It also reminded me that children are gifts from God and time is fleeting.
So....after much contemplation, crying, talking, crying, bawling, talking, crying (see a pattern...yes I cried...A LOT!) I decided to stay at home.....and over the last two years I have contemplated more than few times if I made the right decision. I love teaching. I think it is different than any other profession because I think a "normal" person can't just go be a teacher. Either someone is a teacher or they aren't and the kids know it. It is the one profession you can't fake. I love and have loved teaching with every fiber that is in me. So until today (1-26-10), every time I tell people who I am, I tell them I am a stay at home mom that is a teacher. I felt I needed to tell people that to justify who I am. I didn't find it enough to say say I am mommy to Emma and Madison. I didn't think enough of what I do for Geoff and the girls to just say I am the best stay at home mommy I can be for them....until today. Today I am at peace. Today I can for the first time say I am Geoff's wife (for the next 42 years...then we can renegotiate....love you big Grasshopper) and I am Emma and Madison's mommy....forever.
So....It is finished....I am done. I have made a decision. I am a stay at home mom. The path that is less followed these days will be the path I am going to choose. I didn't know I was going to make a decision to continue to stay home when I made the decision to stay at home 2 years ago. I didn't know that I would even want to. But how do I pass up taking Emma to school and picking her up at 2:45 on her first day to see the smile on her face and look at all the little pages she has done for the day? ... And how do I tell Madison she has to go spend 7:30-5:30 with someone else every day because mommy has to go be with other kids? I can't do it. I can't. I won't. I have always said teaching was not my first or my last job and I guess I am about to find out what else is out there. Maybe teaching will be my path again, maybe my path will be something I haven't even seen....all I know is for now....it is finished....and I am at peace.
To all my teacher friends....
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Working Out? Me? Yup...
I HATE working out. I hate getting up early to get sweaty, grunt, and be in pain....but I have found a new alli. Geoff has decided he is going to work out with me in our living room. For the past week and a half he has flipped the lights on at 6 a.m. to tell my brain I have to wake up, I don't have a choice, and to just get up and get it over with. It is painful, sweaty, and not that much fun. I tend to yell "I hate you!" at whom ever is on the DVD telling me not to give up and then cursing at some point that these people seem to think working out is easy.
I am starting to feel more in control and stronger every day we do the work outs. I also feel like I am going to change...for good....It is time. It is time I take control and find time for my body. So am I working out? Yup....but I hate it.....
(Updates will follow....if I can get out of bed)
I am starting to feel more in control and stronger every day we do the work outs. I also feel like I am going to change...for good....It is time. It is time I take control and find time for my body. So am I working out? Yup....but I hate it.....
(Updates will follow....if I can get out of bed)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Kindergarten Rocks? Nope, Not For Me!
Today I did it again. I cried. I cried like a fool. I cried like a fool that has a baby that isn't a baby anymore. I cried like a little girl. I cried!!!! I picked up the book "Kindergarten Rocks!" to read with Emma today at the library. I got about half way through the book and I just lost it. I didn't know I was going to lose it, but I did. I just started bawling...trying to read the book through tears and snot. Tears and snot...reading a book about Kindergarten. Pretty picture huh? Anyways....
Big Girl is so excited about kindergarten and all I can wonder is where is my baby and how do I get her back? Where are my cuddle moments when she is wanting a bottle at 3 in the morning? Where are are my moments when she glances at me with that little cunning smile that melts my heart when she is getting into something? Where are my moments when I can sit her down in one place and know she will still be there in 10 minutes because she can't crawl, walk, or roll? I don't necessarily want to go back to the 3 o'clock feedings or the days when I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her or even the days that were painful because she was sick a lot. All I want is for the clock to slow down to have a few more moments before my baby, who isn't a baby any more, goes to kindergarten. I want a few more innocent looks as her and her sister get in trouble, I want more giggles under the covers playing monster, I want a few more piggy backs and I definitely want more cuddling....SLOW DOWN CLOCK! I WANT MORE! Kindergarten Rocks? Nope...not for me....It means the world is speeding by and someday soon my baby will go with it....while I have tears and snot....
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Rented Shoes
Just had my first bowling lesson....in rented shoes. I ordered shoes but they haven't come in. I had a BLAST! I can't believe I had so much fun. I learned several things.
1. I have no clue what I am doing but I am learning.
2. I turned my hand and basically I was bowling like a left handed person even though I bowl right handed.
3. I tried bowling left handed since I am a lefty and it wasn't natural at all....go figure.
4. I need to open up my shoulders and stay square.
5. Did you know all the boards on the lane (39 in all) have names...1, 2, 3....mundane I know but apparently they help you aim....who knew? Not me!
6. I need to practice.
7. I don't like rented shoes...can't wait for mine to come...hurry up UPS!
8. If I decide to bowl more I want my own ball....is that wrong? The one I was looking at and my instructor recommended was $94 dollars and that is with the fingers drilled...not bad (my instructor is a way nice firefighter guy...if I fell over and passed out from so much working out he could save me...Yay!)
9. I enjoyed myself....I really liked having time to learn something new and taking instruction from someone else who knew what they were doing.
Bowling may be something that reminds people of the 70's with the crazy bowling shirts and everyone playing on a league, but I really liked it today and I felt a sense of accomplishment....GO Kristin!
1. I have no clue what I am doing but I am learning.
2. I turned my hand and basically I was bowling like a left handed person even though I bowl right handed.
3. I tried bowling left handed since I am a lefty and it wasn't natural at all....go figure.
4. I need to open up my shoulders and stay square.
5. Did you know all the boards on the lane (39 in all) have names...1, 2, 3....mundane I know but apparently they help you aim....who knew? Not me!
6. I need to practice.
7. I don't like rented shoes...can't wait for mine to come...hurry up UPS!
8. If I decide to bowl more I want my own ball....is that wrong? The one I was looking at and my instructor recommended was $94 dollars and that is with the fingers drilled...not bad (my instructor is a way nice firefighter guy...if I fell over and passed out from so much working out he could save me...Yay!)
9. I enjoyed myself....I really liked having time to learn something new and taking instruction from someone else who knew what they were doing.
Bowling may be something that reminds people of the 70's with the crazy bowling shirts and everyone playing on a league, but I really liked it today and I felt a sense of accomplishment....GO Kristin!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Out of the Mouth of Babes
After lunch today Big Girl asked for apple juice. Big Grasshopper (my honey for life) told her he would give her water. She responded, and I am quoting and laughing as I type, "I already pooped today....so I can have apple juice." HA! HA! HA! We have told her in the past when she has problems pooping that she needs to drink more water. Apparently today she thought she had "gone" enough and wanted juice! HA! HA! Funny Stuff coming out of the mouth of the biggest babe....funny stuff!
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Price is Not Right
The snow and inability to get out have gotten to all of us (read I) and I think we (read I again) are all about to go crazy! Yesterday Big Girl and I had a "Come to Jesus" (that is what we call it in the south) moment. I am tired of asking my big girl who will be 5 in a few months to pick up, put away, and take care of the things that people have given her. She has become very disrespectful with her things and she seems to not care if things get broken or lost. Yesterday I lost it. We were picking up (some would say this is an act of God in itself...I might agree...but I was bored!) and I asked her where her baby bag was that her Nana had made for her for Christmas. She said she didn't know, so we go on the hunt. After THIRTY...30...THIRTY minutes of looking I asked her if she cared if this nice bag was missing....her answer....the one that made me lose it was....NO! At that moment some animal/mom/crazy woman instinct kicked in. I found trash bags quicker than you can say "oh no you didn't" and started sacking up everything in her room. Dress up clothes, kitchen stuff, the baby bag (that I finally found in sisters closet), elephant, other stuffed animals and babies, the crayon she got two days ago, Dora's, her new game system....if I could get my hands on it....it got sacked.
Needless to say she is/and was not too happy. When her daddy came home (my big grasshopper) we discussed what had happened during the day. They had a very interesting conversation. One of the most priceless moments came when big grasshopper tried to explain that big girl was going to have to earn her stuff back....get this...she said "I don't have enough money in my piggy bank." ha ha.....kids....even in the rough moments gems do come to light.
Will big girl get her stuff back in the next month? Maybe....but it will take more than her money in her piggy bank to get it back.
Needless to say she is/and was not too happy. When her daddy came home (my big grasshopper) we discussed what had happened during the day. They had a very interesting conversation. One of the most priceless moments came when big grasshopper tried to explain that big girl was going to have to earn her stuff back....get this...she said "I don't have enough money in my piggy bank." ha ha.....kids....even in the rough moments gems do come to light.
Will big girl get her stuff back in the next month? Maybe....but it will take more than her money in her piggy bank to get it back.
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